Hi my name is Maria and I am going to share my story now… the real one
A man and a woman fell in love in a port city called Guayaquil right smack in the center of the world where there is a line that divides one side of the world from the other called Ecuador, I was born from that love and from that side of the world, two years after I was born they too were divided and fell out of love and my Father called it quits on us since then, that’s when moving became normal and where I began to loose my identity. I wasn’t able to grow roots anywhere or with anyone. Everything had a beginning and an end the only difference was that I began to choose when the end was going to take place; it was a form of shield. I began to cave in deeper and stronger into my inner world disconnecting from the outside where no one could take anything from me or move me out of it. This was the only world I felt I belonged in, the only place I didn’t feel like the outsider; not because other people were not kind but because I felt like they wouldn’t accept the real me since neither did I knew who was the real me. I knew all the sides of anxiety, all the names of depression, the closest pharmacies; I knew all the things I wasn’t since in both my physical body and my mind I was experiencing unknown strange spasms. I became absent for minutes and couldn’t remember any of the snaps or quick movements my body had experienced. From a lack of information, we have today like every other child who acts not 100% normal I was labeled and diagnosed with ADD.
AD -Whatttttt? What was that supposed to mean? So was I incapable to succeed in my education or in life itself? I have this ADD thing and I can’t just yank it from me to be “normal” like everyone else? And they still were expecting from me to pay attention in class, study and get A’s, B’s? Ok fine C’s? And yet be cool and accepted? Okay, No! I hid this from everyone and decided to create a façade that I could hide behind. So I became the OH _I cant care any less about school _too cool for you kind of girl. I build the wall of china itself from the rest of humanity. Distracting these fears that would surround me with anything but the real. I found myself growing apart from it all and giving my all to this inner world I created, where I had no ADD and did not need A,B’s or C”S to be part of it. I drew lines obsessively to escape, to create to open and close doors… Drawing was the only thing that held me up-float to survive. I went from point A to point B daily through ink and an absent mind. Drawn to the contrast of shapes and forms, colors and music…. wait…. music! Oh my true freedom! Lines I drew to the rhythm of music, I coupled these two to be my wings my voice my unstoppable race to that place where no one could find me. The years flew quickly in that world, I turned 15 now and my life had a shaking that shook everything into place, which this so called ADD turned out to be Myoclonic Epilepsy which is brief shock-like jerks of muscle which in each your brain is disconnected for those seconds not allowing me to remember what happened or to focus properly. Coming back to your persona is very confusing, strange and awkward. it’s like waking up from a night of eternal parting where you don’t remember why you woke up where you did. Rigid, lost, tense, empty every time. Now that I knew what was truly wrong with me it was easier to treat it physically but harder emotionally because the anxiety, fear and panic and loneliness wouldn’t go away, It got really hard to battle and to work in my persona, it got easier to just let go and live with these limitations and bravely I confess that I was such a coward. I faded into my drawings for a while until I got tired of this party of one situation. Okay how can I invite other people in? No wait. I don’t want them in, how can I go back into their world for a while until I want out again? Hmmmmm I have to learn to build a bridge and so I did! I called it Monasita. Building this bridge took courage and hard work and lots and lots of coffee. I worked on my fears then I drew, I worked on my social awkwardness, then I drew, I faced my demons and realized they were so ugly, then I drew this was and still is my day to day, only that today I have build a bridge to go from my world to yours and am loving it, I can connect with others through my designs without having to explain myself to anyone or hope for acceptance or fear rejection, If you connect with me you will be wearing my triumphs and my failures and there I am reassured that It is all worth it. Today we live in a world where we still have fears and gaps but we have a variety of ways to gather the tools needed to fix, to work, to survive and to create! I still have my fathers’ last name an overly stamped passport, an unsigned yearbook an empty mailbox, paralyzing fear to publish this story but lots and lots and lots of markers.
Though my upbringing was not always so Up, I decided to make my downs my Up’s last name. You can’t have it all if you don’t loose it all first, you can’t find yourself if you don’t loose yourself first. I loose myself while creating every print design to find myself a little more. I chose to make leggings first for those who move around a lot like I did as a child and need to feel comfortable with it, I don’t make One size fits all, since we don’t all fit in the same space. I chose flexible fabric so you won't be restricted to where you need to go. And I share my art with you because I know some of you need a bridge to connect with the rest of the world like I did. Monasita is that bridge to hold bold maps of texture, color bursts; a contrast of solid lines within the harmony of that heart felt music that becomes an exit door from the awkward to freedom. I hope to inspire and empower all of you who still need to fill in the blank to find your true purpose that will draw the path you were created for.
This is me and this is my why of the the world. Through leggings and using the beat of songs is where I create patterns to connect.